Men, women and toilets


Why do women go to the toilets together?

This is a matter that the male species will never understand. We were hardwired to stop, drop and hop off. Not hang around for chit-chats.

If the toilet is a place where fertiliser is made, shouldn’t it be a very quiet and solemn thing to do? Us men, we would silently, on the stealth…just slip nimbly into the loo, be done with our business, flush and tip-toe out again – the world never the wiser what we’ve done. Only on occasion when we’re unfortunate enough to bump into colleagues and friends, do we do a quick grunt, a forced acknowledgement of the other party’s presence, and we’re on our way. Any further conversation and you’ll be at risk of pissing the other person off. Well. Not literally of course.

While we’re on the subject of men and toilets – guys, remember: If there are 3 urinals, do. not. ever. take the middle one. That’s just plain rude. There’s an unspoken rule since the invention of the penis, that on no occasion, do you ever, ever do your firing within an elbow’s length of another member of the male fraternity. So when there are 3 urinals, and you take the middle one… you’re just taking the piss. Literally.

See this diagram for details:



Now back to women. Study one the next time, see how they announce their visits to the whole world. Observe how much care she puts into selecting the partners who will partake of the visit. The loo is not merely a place where they ease themselves of their bodily baggage. It is a social nirvana, a safe-house, a gossip centre. The real world equivalent of Facebook, they share gossips, relationship statuses, private messages, form Groups, be on the same Pages. A paradise with so much privacy, so much hand lotions and, sometimes you’re even treated to douse of L’Occitane!

This reminds me of two places I’d like to recommend to my female friends the next time they’d like to gather. There’s this place called “House” at Dempsey. Lush, green, beautiful. And the toilet’s are nice and spacious (at least I know the men’s ones are). It’s air-conditioned so you’ll never have to lose a drop of sweat, whatever you’re doing. And it’s armed with an arsenal of exquisite soaps and lotions. It even has a small chair! All that it’s lacking is a computer with functioning internet and you ladies would never have to step out into the restaurant again.

But men? We don’t care. As long as it’s a corner, a pole, a tree, a car, your best friend, we’d gladly pee on it and move on. Without talking. Look at this, the City of London has these neat urinals setup in public especially for the convenience of us men – because hey, if it’s not made convenient for us, we’ll kindly mess it up for you!

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That is why in Amsterdam, the city council wised up to us. To prevent us from peeing in their streets, they’ve setup “pee deflectors” at strategic corners of the city. If you attempt to let your flow go at these corners, you’ll find the contents of your bladder splashing back at your trousers.






I’ll end of with an idea for all you Facebook software makers: why not make an app that will allow for ladies to make loo time so much more fun and exciting? Have the app identify which rooms are the best to meet up in and what sort of conversations are going on there? Toilet on Level 11 – gossips about Eric. Level 12 – gossips about the boss. Cubicle 2 in Level 9, directions to secret party tonight. Sounds like fun isn’t it? has to work eh? What with them spending 50% of their time in one?

Just remember to credit me if your app takes off!


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