Marriage proposals: Mission Impossible

 

Ladies, ladies, ladies… do you know how nerve wrecking it is for a guy to propose? This is one of those things a guy can never do right, no matter how much time he spends preparing, planning and perspiring.

It starts from, The Ring.

ring_logo

(ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!)

Street rumour has it (and I suspect this rumour was invented by a woman) that a man must spend twice the size of his monthly salary on the said ring. But never fear guys, there are ways to work around this: this figure is not adjusted for CPF and income tax. It also does not need to account for commissions earned and any external income – so use these carefully to your advantage.

Now if ring buying isn’t already a tormentous effort in itself, there is the question of how to present it.

This is not as easy as it seems. I know at least one guy who has had his wife demand that he re-do it properly, otherwise no marriage. And what if she laughs out loud instead of weep tears of joy?

Lets take an objective view on this: You have a ring, and with said ring, you have to negotiate for woman to sit through traumatic party with white dress and thereafter, move into your house and have your offspring. Do you see the difficulty?

The old, cliched methods of popping the ring into dessert, champagne and food is just too old fashioned. Furthermore this is Asia…and putting a ring into a bowl of tao suan is hmmm… not so romantic.

 green-durian

(no…,no….don’t even think about it)

 

And never. ever. ever. Not even under pain, torture and death do you ever ask for a hand in marriage with the dreadful words “Eh, darling want to apply for HDB?” Not unless you want the wedding ring to become your new nose ring. No lah – this is the most unromantic way to propose! Bro, you’re asking for her life leh – you can’t ask her as if you’re jio-ing her out to eat char kway teow!

shotgun

(Hell hath no fury like a woman asked to apply for HDB)

 

If you’re out of ideas, get some ideas from these pretty obvious (and perhaps over-done), but traditional, time tested ways to squeeze a weepy “yes…i do” out of her.

The hotel

I think some hotels even have a package for this, haha. I’m not sure how surprised she’ll be but make an excuse to take her to a fancy hotel and when she opens the door, voila… room full of flowers, petals and cheesy-ness to solicit a nod of head from her. Maybe room service could be your witness?

Seriously though, I could be wrong… but this method of proposing seems so common that some hotels even have a package just for you to do this. Give it a few more years and we will file this under the category of “HDB proposals”.

The overseas trip

When a guy suddenly takes you on holiday for no apparent reason and behaves like a nervous illegal immigrant at the airport, you know he’s up to something. Yes, holidays – at least there’s an element of surprise here… is it going to happen at the beach? Is it going to happen over lunch? Is it going to be at the museum, the galleries, the shopping malls… where, where, where?! Would the ring accidentally fall off and roll into the gutter? Are tourists going to laugh? Be forewarned though, if you do propose here, remember that you’re obliged to bring the mrs. back here each year for your anniversary. So be creative, go far! Take her to Johore, Jarkarta, Jaipur or the jungles of Jaffna!

The cinema

So you’re a rich kid with some money to burn? 20 carat diamond ring not enough pain for your pockets? Why not book an entire cinema, fill it with friends and whilst she’s dizzy with confusion, get her to say yes to whatever your propose – ” Baby, will you marry me, live with me, make the best dinners and never fight with me for the car and remote control and withhold your mood swings for ever more?”

 

What about you? Do you have stories of proposals to share? Drop it into the comments!

 

 

 

 

Categories: Observations, What's New?

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