It has always bewildered me what the differences are in conversations when women and men talk.
The starkest difference is that: men, we talk without emotion. Please ladies, please help us: We’re just not able to process emotions so well. It’s a deficiency. Like scurvy.
So you bought a new dress?….Wow that’s nice!
Someone ‘s granddad died?… oops, sorry to hear that.
It’s hard to go beyond a grunt of a few words when we have to show that we care. (but oh we DO care, we just can’t show it so well)
At dinner recently, a girl asked me if the the noodles I was eating tasted good. I said “yes”. And she went, “no, no, no….you moron! when a girl asks if the food tastes good, it means that she wants to try it and you should offer her!”
You see, they drop hints and suggestions – hoping that you’ll “get it” and respond accordingly. And if you don’t, it means that you’re not attuned to her emotions.
Ladies, we’re not like that. If you want to understand this from a biological perspective, because of brute force and muscle power (most) men are able to do a lot of things independently. From opening tight bottles, to killing animals to eat. We’re not worried about things in life from a physiological dimension. If it’s not right, fix it.
Women on the other hand, because they are physically weaker, have developed stronger powers in the areas of persuasion. Being plugged in to emotions is one such skill – they’re attuned to be very much more sensitive to your every action, speech and the unlimited number of facial expressions you can make.
But ladies, we’re not like that – if you ask us a question, we answer. Especially so if you ask us a Boolean type question.
Are you hungry – yes/no.
Do you want to join us – yes/no
Will you come fetch me – yes/no
Are you tired – yes/no
We can’t hear the inflections, the tone, the ‘feelings’ no matter how obvious they may be.
It might be interesting to note that when men talk, men talk without emotion. It’s either you want to do it or you don’t. You want to join us, or you don’t. You like what we’re conversing about, or you drop out.
Actually, let’s make it clear: men don’t “talk”. We discuss.
Our “conversations” are actually more of an airing of opinion, knowledge and a clash of wit. After a 10 minute conversation, trust me, no one has any idea what the other was talking about… but everyone feels that everyone’s points have been put across clearly.
We’re not exactly the most social of creatures. Most of us are purpose driven. If you’re a woman, then yeah, you’re fun to talk to. If you’re another bloke, well you better be either entertaining to talk to or someone useful to know. Because we’re not interested in having pointless, idle conversations with another guy.
You see, a man doesn’t need nor even want to have a lot of friends. Just that core handful, maybe even just 5 friends that are really really close buddies, and that’s it. With these 5 buddies, you share all there is to share. The frivolous stuff. The embarrassing stuff. The i-call-you-when-i-need you type of friends. The friends so comfortable, you don’t need to care about being correct or how they feel.
But out of this circle, it’s almost always just about business, women, football, politics and national service.
I’ll end off here with a funny little thing I saw on Facebook:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much . I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behaviour I don’t know why he didn’t say ‘I love you, too’. When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. HE continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. HE fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Motorcycle won’t start…. can’t figure out why.